Melvin Folks, a mental health case manager in the Bronx, recently fielded some questions about his son, Noah, from Foundation Co-Founder and Executive Director Farrell Evans.
FE: There is a myth about black men being absent fathers. Why is it so important for you to be involved and active in the life of your son?
MF: I was blessed to have a father who took both fatherhood and being a husband as the two most important roles in his life. My father often responded to my needs and interests, often without making mention of it until that response was manifesting itself. To this day, I remember playing midget football and not being able to catch. My father went out, bought a football and just said, “C’mon.” We went to a field in a park and passed the football until I felt comfortable catching it from different angles. He also responded to my lifelong interest in martial arts by obtaining literature and finding martial arts schools where I could participate. Ultimately, my father was my primary counselor, whose counsel I sorely miss since he left us 22 years ago.
FE: How did your relationship with your own father impact your ideas about fatherhood and your relationship to Noah?
MF: When you are provided with an excellent example of what a man, husband and father looks like in action, you simply emulate that example. I try to offer guidance, insight, morals and morale so Noah will grow up to be a well-rounded, confident and forthright world citizen.
FE: How does The Bridge Golf Foundation support your efforts to properly raise Noah?
Juliet and Melvin Folks at The Bridge in September.
MF: The Bridge Golf Foundation, in many ways, helps to mirror what my wife and I try to instill in Noah. I think it’s important that the staff provide an echo for the sermon that my wife and I preach: the importance of education, constant self-improvement and self-confidence.
I also feel it is vitally important that Noah, as well as the other participants, have daily contact with black men who are committed to the next generation and who often started out in similar situations. It’s powerful that these men are educated and/or pursuing education, that they exemplify the definition of a gentleman, and that they are involved in their community.
In addition, I love that the Foundation offers Noah and the other young men a chance to interact with people and in communities that they’d otherwise not be able to. This removes the mystique that many of their peers have with regard to the larger society and reinforces the idea that they are capable of doing great things.
FE: Noah has two older sisters. How different is it raising a young man?
MF: In some regards, my wife and I have tried to raise Noah in the same manner as our girls, as far as the values that we’ve tried to instill. The reality, though, is that Noah is a 15-year-old, 6-foot-2 (at least!) young black man, and that forced my wife and I to have conversations with him early on about what that means in our society.
I point to the example of my father, an Army and Air Force veteran; his maternal grandfather and paternal great-grandfather, who were both World War II veterans; and my great-grandfather, who was a decorated World War I vet. These men are examples of the legacy that he inherits. To carry himself in a respectful, respectable and dignified manner not only reflects on his immediate family and his community but also properly honors his ancestors.
We have made him understand that he represents black men around the country and around the world. That may not always be fair, but it’s reality, so it’s important that he project a positive image.
FE: How do you have fun with Noah?
MF: Since he was a toddler, Noah has shared my interest in martial arts (currently, it’s boxing) and martial arts movies. He will often ask me, “Have you ever seen this one?” or “Did they ever show this one on 42nd Street?” On many Saturdays, Noah and I enjoy a large bowl of popcorn and a low-budget 1970s Shaw Brothers/Golden Harvest Studios production. Hopefully soon, we’ll spend a few Saturdays with him coaching me in golf!